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So, check it—sex-dating’s everywhere now, apps buzzin’, DMs slidin’. Little factoid for ya: back in ‘90s Russia, they had “marriage gazettes”—OG Tinder, but paper, no nudes! Wild, right? Now it’s all instant, bam, “hey sexy, u up?” Makes me laugh, tho—half these profiles? Bots or dudes catfishing. Pisses me off! Like, c’mon, mate, I want real mojo, not some fake pic!

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So, I drive over, and let me tell ya, the traffic is a nightmare. I’m stuck behind this old lady who’s going 10 mph. I’m like, “C’mon, lady! We ain’t in a funeral procession!” Finally, I get to the address, and it’s this rundown house. Looks like it’s been through a hurricane or two. I knock, and this guy opens the door, looking like he just rolled outta bed. He’s all, “What do you want?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m here to investigate your claim.” He just stares at me like I’m speaking Martian.

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