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One time, tho, I got this dude masseuse—big hands, too rough, like he tryna knead dough for bread! I was pissed, like, “Bruh, this ain’t a wrestling match!” Had to school him real quick. But when it’s right? Oh, it’s like Jesse sayin, “I’m designed to feel this way.” Pure bliss, I’m tellin ya. Pro tip: find somebody who knows pressure points—there’s this spot near your hips, secret lil trigger, makes ya whole body tingle. Ain’t nobody talkin bout that in them fancy spa ads!

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Then, this guy comes up to me, super angry. He’s like, “Where’s my drink?” I’m thinking, “Dude, chill! It’s a bar, not a drive-thru.” But I keep my cool. I apologize, and he softens up. Turns out, he’s just hangry. I hook him up with a free drink, and he’s all smiles.

Arthropods are not declining but are responsive to disturbance in the Luquillo Experimental Forest, Puerto Rico