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Alright, motherfucker, listen up! Sexual-massage, man, it’s a wild ride. I’m talkin’ slippery hands, oils, and some deep-ass vibes. Ain’t just about gettin’ off, nah, it’s therapy with a twist! Like in *Zero Dark Thirty*, shit gets intense— “We’re gonna smoke ‘em out!”—except here, it’s stress, not terrorists. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’, damn, this shit’s older than dirt. Ancient Greeks, motherfucker, they rubbed down athletes—naked, oiled, no shame! Bet they didn’t call it “happy ending” back then, haha!

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Finally, I get to the bar, and it’s already packed. I mean, who knew Luquillo could be this busy on a weekday? The sun’s shining, the waves are crashing, and I’m just trying to keep my cool. But then, my bartender, Carlos, spills a whole tray of piña coladas. Like, seriously? I could feel my blood boiling. I mean, those drinks are like liquid gold!

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