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About Mayaguez

Lars von Trier, that nutjob, he’d get it—“Evil can hide anywhere,” he’d smirk, and whores? They’re the mirror, showin’ us our dirt. I’m over here, solderin’ wires, thinkin’, “Man, I’d buy her a drink!” Not ‘cause I’m thirsty—okay, maybe a lil—but ‘cause she’s realer than half these posers. Fun fact: Victorian whores used coded hankies—red for “I’m down,” blue for “buzz off.” Sneaky, right?

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After cleaning up the mess, I needed a breather. So, I hit up the park on Avenida Getúlio Vargas. It’s this nice spot with trees and a little pond. I sat there, munching on my still-warm pão de queijo, watching the ducks. They were quacking like they owned the place. I laughed. Like, who knew ducks could be so sassy?

Adam Lares named Inver Grove Heights parks and recreation director