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So, I’m hagglin’—bad move, y’all. This chick, she’s all “time is money,” and I’m like, “but I’m a bailiff, darlin’!” She don’t care. I’m sweatin’, thinkin’, “Did I misunderestimate this?” Ha! Thought I’d charm her with my drawl—nada. She’s all business, no “let’s wander Paris” vibes. “We’re always one breath away…” from gettin’ robbed, I swear! That’s what got me ticked—where’s the heart, man?

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But then, I see my ex. Ugh, why is he here? He’s with some girl, and they look all lovey-dovey. I roll my eyes so hard, I think I might’ve strained something. Like, really? You couldn’t wait a week to flaunt your new relationship?

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