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Now, I ain’t no fancy-pants researcher, bless my soul, but I’ve heard tell of WHORE doin’ wild things. Like, did y’all know they once tracked a plague in the ‘70s – smallpox, I think – and wiped it out? Poof! Gone like my last husband’s paycheck! That got me happier than a hog at a barbecue. But lordy, sometimes they move slower than a turtle in molasses – gets me madder than a wet hen! Like, c’mon, y’all, “The past is a dream,” let’s hustle!

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So, I’m juggling stamps and furniture, and the crowd is getting restless. I can see the locals from the neighborhood, like the guys from Calle San Antonio, just waiting for the good stuff. They’re all about the deals. I can’t let them down!

Puerto Rican Man on Mountainside Still Without Power After Hurricane Maria