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So, lemme tell ya, I tried it! Downloaded them apps, swiped til my thumb hurt! Met this gal, hot as donuts fresh outta the oven! We’re chattin’, she’s all “wanna Netflix n chill?” I’m thinkin’ - woo-hoo! Jackpot! But then, D’oh! She ghosts me! Poof! Gone! Made me madder than Homer at a vegan BBQ! Like, why even bother, y’know?

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After that, I decided to stroll down to Playa de Humacao. The beach was calling my name. The sun was shining, waves crashing, and I thought, “This is it!” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! I mean, really? A sandwich thief? I was ready to start a seagull war.

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