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Here’s the deal—sex-dating’s messy. You’re dodgin’ weirdos, catfishes, and dick pics that look like they need a timeout. Pro tip: check their profile hard—saw one sayin’ “I herd sheep,” and I’m thinkin’, “Bro, you Ennis Del Mar or what?” Made me chuckle, but I swiped left—ain’t got time for that! Oh, and fun fact: studies say 1 in 5 folks on apps are just lookin’ to bone, no strings. “This is a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation!”—yep, Jack Twist gets it, man!

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First off, I’m cruisin’ down Calle José de Diego, right? The sun’s blazin’, and I’m feelin’ good. Got my lucky cap on, the one with the frayed edges. You know, the one I’ve had since forever. I pull up to the hipodromo, and it’s packed. Like, more people than I’ve seen since the last fiesta.

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