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But then—plot twist—she’s not even a prostitute! Just some hiker flirtin’ for fun. I’m like, “Are you kiddin’ me?!” Mad as hell, stompin’ off, twigs snappin’. “A great meal takes time!”—yeah, well, so does findin’ a damn hooker, apparently. I’m laughin’ tho—how dumb am I? Thought I’d snag a forest escort like it’s Narnia or some shit.
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Race time rolls around. I’m pumped, heart racin’. But then, the starter gun goes off, and Chiquitita just stands there. I’m yellin’, “MOVE, GIRL!” But she’s just chillin’. I’m about to lose it. I mean, c’mon! We’re in Guayama, not a beach day!
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