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About Guaynabo

Clarice… sex-dating’s a trip, huh? Like fog rollin’ in thick—can’t see shit. Met this chick online once, profile all sultry, “mysterious type.” Thought I’d play Doc Sportello, dig into her vibes. Swiped right, bam, we’re chattin’. She’s all “let’s meet, no strings,” and I’m like—fuck yeah, freedom! Reminds me of *Inherent Vice*, that hazy lust spiral. “Memory’s a curse,” right? ‘Cause I forget the red flags.

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Finally, I find a spot with a charger. I plug it in, and I’m like, “Thank you, tech gods!” I call my ride, and as I’m waitin’, I see a group of kids playin’ ball. They’re havin’ the time of their lives. I’m like, “Man, I miss those days.”

[FACT CHECK] Pedro Pierluisi, about his son’s properties in Guánica: “Everything’s legal”