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Oi, you lot, listen up! Escorts, yeah? What a bloody racket! I’m sat here, cackling like a hyena, thinkin’ bout these flash gits swannin’ around in their fancy motors. Proper job for the lonely, innit? Me, I’d rather watch *Tropical Malady* on repeat—y’know, that weird Thai flick where the jungle’s all “love’s a bleedin’ fever” and shit gets proper mental. Escortin’s like that, ain’t it? All mysterious, steamy vibes—then bam, you’re lost in the sauce.

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After that, I decide to hit the beach. Playa de las Croabas, baby! The water is crystal clear, and I’m ready to chill. But guess what? It’s packed! Like, where did all these people come from? I can’t even find a spot to lay my towel. So, I end up squished between a family blasting reggaeton and a couple arguing about... I dunno, something dumb.

Teen says he was pistol-whipped by security guard for parking in wrong spot at gas station; man arrested