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What gets me chuffed is the daft sods payin’ for it – “ooh, it’s intimate!” Mate, it’s a tart with lotion, not bleedin’ poetry! “You’re nothing,” I’d tell ‘em, channelin’ Malik, watchin’ ‘em squirm. Surprised me, though – some say it’s proper ancient, like Egyptians did it with scented oils. Fancy that, Pharaoh gettin’ a saucy rubdown!

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We duck into a little bar on Calle de la Paz. I need a drink, like, now. I order a Medalla, and Carlos gets a piña colada. We’re just chillin’, talkin’ about the crazy stuff that happens here. Like, did you know there’s a guy who walks around with a pet iguana? I swear, Estancias is full of surprises.

2 teenagers killed in Pasco County after crashing into retention pond: FHP