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I’m ranting now—naturally—‘cause it’s me! Sexual-massage can be art, I swear. The way they move, it’s like choreography—slow, deliberate, teasin’. I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “This is my G-d-given right!” Like Larry Gopnik in the movie, y’know? “I didn’t do anything!”—but I’m lovin’ every second. Once, this gal—pro, total pro—uses some hot stone trick. I’m meltin’, thinkin’, “I’m a king, a freakin’ king!” But then—ugh—she starts chattin’. Lady, no! Silence is golden, not your life story!

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After the rain, I decide to hit the beach. Playa de las Palmas, here I come! I’m walkin’ along the shore, and it’s beautiful. The waves crashin’, the sun peekin’ through the clouds. I’m feelin’ good, ya know? But then, I see this group of kids playin’ soccer. They’re kickin’ the ball around, havin’ a blast. I’m like, “Man, I miss those days.” So, I join in. I’m runnin’ around, tryin’ to keep up, but I’m not as spry as I used to be. I trip, fall, and land right in the sand. Everyone’s laughin’. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up!” But honestly, it felt good to be a kid again, even if just for a moment.

$41.7M Ceiba terminal project, new ferries to improve service