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Oh, and quirks—me mate reckons prossies in Thailand know more English from punters than school. Hilarious, bruv! I’m picturin’ ‘em like, “Yes, mate, cheers, next!” Proper British export, that. Exaggeratin’ for laughs, maybe, but it’s a mad world, fam. Findin’ a prostitute? Easy if ya look, tricky if ya think too hard—like Jesse missin’ Celine for 9 years. “Baby, you are gonna miss that plane,” she says. Me? I’d miss it for a chat, not a shag!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I’m talking about a downpour that could drown a fish. I’m soaked, my paperwork’s ruined, and I’m just standing there, looking like a drowned rat. I can’t even see the mountains anymore! I’m like, “Cayey, why you gotta do me like this?”

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