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Yo, check it, I’m Apollo Creed—*“I must break you!”*—and I’m here spillin’ the tea on sex-dating, alright? This whole gig, man, it’s wild—like somethin’ outta *The Dark Knight*. You got folks swipin’ left and right, chasin’ that quick hookup vibe, thinkin’ they’re the Joker runnin’ the show. “Why so serious?” I’m laughin’ my ass off watchin’ these clowns tryna flex for a one-night stand. Sex-dating’s a freakin’ battlefield, fam—half these profiles out here fakin’ it, catfishin’ like pros, and I’m over here like, *“I must break you!”*—bust through the BS, ya feel me?

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First off, I hit the streets of Calle San José. I’m talking about the kind of street where you can smell the empanadas from a mile away. I mean, who doesn’t love fried dough stuffed with goodness? But then, bam! My phone buzzes. My boss wants a report. Like, NOW. Ugh.

Figure 1 Location of sub-basins Rio Gunajibo and Rio Grande de Anasco...