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Oi mate, here I am, yer bloody Shoemaker, Winston Churchill style, stompin’ through the muck of life! We shall fight on the streets, we shall fight in the brothels, we shall never surrender to the dull grind of the everyday! Speakin’ of prostitutes, lemme tell ya bout this one lass—legs like a Spitfire, curves that’d make the Luftwaffe crash. Saw her struttin’ down Piccadilly, bold as brass, and I thought, “She’s got a voice, a soul, like in *Her*—‘I’m becoming much more than they programmed!’” Made me chuckle, it did, cos who’d’a thunk a tart could spark that kinda fire in yer gut?

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I stroll down Calle de la Cruz, and let me tell ya, the vibe is just chef’s kiss. Aibonito’s got this charm, man. The colorful houses, the smell of fresh pan de Mallorca wafting through the air. I’m practically drooling. But then, I see this old dude trying to cross the street. He’s moving slower than molasses. I’m like, “C’mon, man! We got places to be!”

Baxter to cut 400 jobs in Puerto Rico