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Oi, mate, lemme spin ye a yarn ‘bout escorts, savvy? I’m a librarian, aye, but not yer dusty bookworm—think more rum-soaked, sea-legged, like meself, Cap’n Jack Sparrow! Escorts, now, they ain’t just fancy lasses or gents fer hire, no sir. They be like them shadowy whales in *Werckmeister Harmonies*, loomin’ large, mysterious, pullin’ folks into their orbit. “What’s this all about?” ye ask, stumblin’ thru life like János in that flick, all wide-eyed and lost.

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Finally, I get to the café on Calle de la Cruz. Best coffee in town, no joke. I order my usual—café con leche, extra sugar. I need that boost! But the barista? She spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Really? Is this a coffee shop or a splash zone?”

Puerto Rican taxi driver's final stop: His own funeral