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Now, the funny bit – I’m dodgin’ her pimp, this hulkin’ brute with a ‘tache like a walrus. “Shagadelic!” I shout, leggin’ it down an alley, trippin’ over me platforms. Nearly copped it there, but I’m too slick, yeah? Made me laugh, though – me, Austin Powers, runnin’ from a geezer in flares! Total gas.

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After that, I’m feeling all sorts of emotions. Happy, sad, confused. I decide to walk it off. I stroll down Calle de la Paz. It’s beautiful, but I can’t shake off the heaviness. I stop by a little shop. They sell handmade crafts. I buy a bracelet. It’s got this cool design. I think, “Maybe this will bring me good vibes.”

More people are dying in Puerto Rico as its health-care system crumbles