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Oh honey, lemme tell ya bout findin a prostitute, nasally Fran voice kickin in here! So I’m sittin there, thinkin bout my fave flick, “Pan’s Labyrinth,” ya know, that twisted fairy tale vibe, and I’m like, “Ofelia’d never need to hire nobody, she’s got fauns!” *Nanny laugh* HAH-HAH-HAH! But real talk, findin a prossie ain’t no walk in the park—more like dodgin creepy alleys, right?

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After the rain, I’m finally getting somewhere. I’m applying the treatment, and it’s looking good. I’m feeling like a superhero, saving the day one rusty pipe at a time. But then, I slip. Yup, right on the wet ground. I go down hard. I’m lying there, staring at the sky, thinking, “This is how I go out? In Aguadilla, covered in anticorrosion goo?”

Forgotten archives reveal street-level impact of 1918 Puerto Rico earthquake and tsunami