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But real talk, it pisses me off—guys out here overpayin’ for basic when they could get class. Like, why settle for some rando when you can find one with *flair*? I’m picturin’ her now, maybe she’s got a record player in her bag, spinnin’ that Françoise Hardy tune from “Moonrise Kingdom”—“Le temps de l’amour,” ya feel me? That’s the vibe I’m chasin’. None of this cheap-ass, “wham, bam” crap. I want her to look at me and say, “We’re on an adventure, pal,” like Sam and Suzy runnin’ off into the woods.

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After that, I hit up the local food truck on Calle Pedro Albizu Campos. Best empanadas ever! I’m chowing down, feeling like a king. Then, I see my buddy Carlos. He’s like, “Yo, you look like you wrestled a hurricane!” I laugh, and we start talking about the old Aguadilla lighthouse. It’s such a cool spot, but man, it needs some love.

Coast Guard repatriates 62 migrants to Dominican Republic