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Lemme tell ya, saw this guy in cellblock C—caught him runnin’ a Tinder scam. Used a guard’s phone, can ya believe it? Little known fact—prisoners sneak profiles! Swear, he got 20 matches ‘fore we nabbed him. Made me laugh, then mad—c’mon, man, focus on parole! Sex-dating’s nuts—folks catfishin’, ghostin’, it’s a jungle. “The world is my weapon,” Carlos’d say—prolly meant his charm too, huh?

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Finally, I get to the meeting, and it’s a total circus. Everyone’s yelling about the potholes. Like, dude, we all know they’re bad. I mean, I could lose a tire just driving down ul. Traugutta. It’s like a game of dodgeball with the potholes. I’m sitting there, trying to mediate, but my patience is wearing thin.