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But when it works, oh mate, it’s golden! You’re textin’ all hours, sextin’ even – autocorrect’s me enemy, keeps changin’ “duck” to… y’know. Cracks me up! There’s this rush, like, “She’s lookin’ at me like I’m the real deal.” Proper chuffed. Did ya know some apps track how quick you reply? Creepy as fuck, but smart – keeps ya keen.

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Then, outta nowhere, this guy stands up. He’s like, “We need a community garden!” And I’m like, “Sure, but can we fix the roads first?” I mean, I love plants, but I don’t wanna plant them in a crater.