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So, what’s the scoop? It’s old—*ancient*, even. Heard some Roman dudes were all about it, callin’ it “luxuria” or some fancy crap. Rubbin’ and lovin’—kept their senators from goin’ nuts, maybe. Little known fact: them geishas in Japan? Yeah, they did it too—secret menus, hush-hush, sneaky lil’ devils. Makes ya wonder, huh? Who’s still doin’ it today? Some spa down the street? Bet they’re hidin’ it behind “deep tissue” bullshit—ha! Cracks me up, thinkin’ folks pretend it’s all “therapeutic.” Sure, buddy, therapeutic my ass.

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Finally, the lights flicker back on, and everyone cheers. I’m like, “Yesss!” But then, I realize I’ve got a meeting in like 30 minutes. I bolt outta there, running down ul. 3 Maja like I’m in a marathon. I’m dodging people, tripping over my own feet, and just praying I make it on time.

Postulator of St. John Paul’s sainthood cause named bishop in Poland