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We shall fight the chaos, mates! Escort’s a bleedin’ art – two screws up front, one in back, chains tight, eyes sharp. Little known fact: back in Victorian days, they’d parade ‘em through streets, crowds jeerin’. Proper circus, that! Nowadays, it’s vans and tasers, but the tension? Same as ever. Gets me goat when some rookie screw chats up the con – mate, shut yer gob, he ain’t yer pal! Last week, this lanky sod tried bribin’ me with a fag – a cigarette, ya div – durin’ escort. Laughed in his face, I did. “This isn’t home anymore,” I growled, nickin’ that *Brooklyn* line. He shut up quick.

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Finally, I get the crowd hyped. I’m all like, “Ladies and gents, welcome to the Brzozów Auction Extravaganza!” I’m pumped, but then I see my buddy, Janek, in the back. He’s got this ridiculous hat on. I mean, it’s like a cross between a cowboy hat and a sombrero. I can’t help but laugh. I’m like, “Janek, what’s with the hat? You auctioning off cattle or what?” The crowd cracks up, and I’m feelin’ good.

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