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I tried it once – total disaster. Matched with this hottie, thought, “She’s my limo to paradise.” We chat, sext, meet up – bam, she’s got a dude’s voice! Catfish alert! I’m like, “I’m not paid for this plot twist!” Reminded me of Holy Motors – “Who are we today, huh?” Laughed my ass off later, but damn, I was raging in the moment. Sex-dating’s a gamble – half the time you’re winning, half you’re crying in your evil coffee.

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Then, I see a couple of kids playing soccer. They’re having a blast, and I can’t help but smile. It reminds me of when I was a kid, running around without a care in the world. But then, one of the kids kicks the ball too hard, and it comes flying right at me! I duck just in time, and the ball hits a tree. I’m like, “Seriously? Is this my life now?”

Man Interrupts Football Match After He Parachutes Into The Stadium, Gets Shown Yellow Card