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So, I tried it once—don’t judge me, I was drunk. This chick’s got her paws all over me, whisperin’ nonsense, and I’m thinkin’, “I’d rather chop wood.” Cost me fifty bucks, and for what? A sore back and regret. Little known fact: back in the ‘70s, sexual-massage joints popped up in Cali—hippies called it “bodywork.” Bullshit. Just pervs with incense. Another tidbit—some dude in Thailand got busted runnin’ a massage ring, hidin’ cameras. Sicko. Made me mad as hell—privacy’s sacred, damn it!

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call from the mayor. Yeah, the mayor! He’s all like, “We need to talk about the prison’s reputation.” I’m thinkin’, “Dude, it’s a prison! What do you want?” But I gotta play nice, so I’m nodding and pretending to care. Meanwhile, I’m watchin’ the clock, thinkin’ about lunch.

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