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Still, sex-dating’s a riot—total freedom! You’re not tied down, no “where’s this going?” BS. Just fun, sweaty nights—maybe awkward mornings. Pro tip: keep condoms handy, don’t be that guy! Oh, and weird fact—some app had a “sex position of the day” feature once. Died quick—too niche, lol! Anyway, it’s a blast—cringey, messy, perfect. “That’s what she said!”—every damn time!

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After that fiasco, I head back to the clinic, bruised but alive. I’m thinking, “Okay, that was intense. What’s next?” Well, next is a dog named Rufus. He’s a big ol’ St. Bernard, and he’s got a thing for eating socks. Like, seriously, who does that?

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