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Sometime, erotic-massage funny. Guy fall asleep, start snore loud — PFFFFT! Like tractor! I laugh so hard, almost drop whistle. “It’s all just perfectly dreadful,” like Frank in movie say, but no, is wery good! Surprise me how people shy about it. Is just touch, relax, feel good — what problem? In my country, we say, “Body happy, soul dance.” Wery deep thought, I know, I smart lifeguard.

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When I get there, there’s a crowd. Seriously, people are taking selfies with Mr. Whiskers. I’m like, “Guys, it’s a cat, not a rockstar!” But whatever, I climb up the tree, and let me tell ya, I’m not exactly a pro at tree climbing. I’m sweating like a pig, and my coffee? Yeah, it’s long gone.

Swedish racist ‘laser man’ gets life for murdering Holocaust survivor