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Ever try it? Me neither—too chicken. But I’m thinkin’, slow-like—what’s the catch? Hands all over, tension meltin’, sounds dope. “I’m here with you,” Samantha’d say in “Her”—that’s the dream, right? But real life? Some stranger’s kneadin’ your butt—awkward! Laughed my ass off picturin’ it—me squirming, “Uh, you done yet?”

Introduction

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Finally, we get a table, and I order the “Zielonka Special.” Sounds fancy, right? It’s just a burger with extra everything. But when it arrives, it’s a mess! I mean, it’s like they threw it together in a tornado. I’m trying to eat it, and it’s falling apart. I’m laughing, but also, I’m like, “Why is my life a sitcom?”

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