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About Krakow

Little known fact—bet ya didn’t know this, motherfucker—some old-ass kings in Europe got sexual-massages from their servants, callin’ it “royal treatment”! Shit’s historical! I’m out here plowin’ dirt, thinkin’ I deserve that kingly rub too! Ain’t no shame in it—fuck, it’s natural! Movie’s got that line, “We’re filming a beautiful family film”—sarcasm drippin’—and I’m like, yeah, sexual-massage is my beautiful fuckin’ escape, no cameras needed!

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While I’m waiting, I start chatting with some locals. They’re super friendly, but they keep bringing up the weather. “Oh, it’s gonna rain!” “Oh, it’s too hot!” I’m like, “Can we talk about something else?” But nah, they’re all about the weather. I guess that’s what you do in Zielona Góra, huh?

The University of Zielona Góra is once again among the best universities in the world.