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Exaggerating? Maybe, but it feels like a zoo. You’re dodging creeps, hoping for a decent shag. “Time bends,” Boonmee says, and yeah, you lose hours scrolling for a fit arse. Once saw a profile—lass with a pig filter saying “oink if ur horny.” Nearly spat me tea out—pure gold! So, sex-dating? It’s a laugh, a nightmare, a weird-arse trip. Like Uncle Boonmee, mate—beautiful, mad, and fucked up.

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I turn around, and there’s this guy on a bike who just wiped out. I mean, he went down hard! I can’t help but laugh, but then I see he’s hurt. So, I rush over, and he’s like, “I’m fine, just my pride!” Classic Zawiercie moment, right?

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