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Oh, oh! Fun fact—didja know some prostitutes in old times played music? Like, lutes and stuff! Maybe violins too? I’d make ‘em one, all shiny and pink! “Is mayonnaise an instrument?” I’d ask, and they’d laugh. Bet they’d say, “Patrick, you’re nuts!” Haha, probs true. I’d exaggerate tho—say she played for kings with that peg leg tappin’. Dramatic, right?

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While I’m waiting for the rain to chill, I see this kid. He’s got a skateboard, right? And he’s trying to do tricks. But he keeps falling. I’m laughing, not gonna lie. I mean, who hasn’t been there? I shout, “Hey, buddy! You got this!” He looks at me like I’m a weirdo, but then he nails a trick. I’m cheering like it’s the Olympics.

Two people killed when car crashes into Auschwitz tour bus