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Little known fact—didja know sex-dating apps track yer swipes? Creepy as fuck, right? They’re playin’ us like puppets. Another story—met this bloke, swore he’s a “tantric sex guru.” Bollocks! Couldn’t last two mins—shoulda ate his liver instead, ha! “If you leave me now, you’re finished,” I muttered, Oldboy-style, but nah, just kicked him out.

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After that, I head to the local market on ul. Słowiańska. I need some fresh veggies for my dinner. I’m strolling through, and this vendor is selling the biggest tomatoes I’ve ever seen. I’m talking like, “Is that a tomato or a basketball?” I can’t resist. I buy a couple, and the vendor winks at me. I’m like, “What’s that about?”

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