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Oi mate, sex-dating’s a wild ride! *beep* I’m Stephen Hawking, robotic voice, cosmic wisdom. Picture this – swiping right, bam, instant lust. Like in *A History of Violence*, “You’re the best, Tom!” – but it’s just horny strangers. Apps like Tinder, Grindr, pure chaos, yeah? *whirr* Cosmic wisdom says it’s primal, animalistic. Bodies colliding, no strings, pure heat.

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So, I’m walking, trying to shake off the pigeon drama, when I bump into this old dude. He’s got this wild beard and a hat that looks like it’s been through a war. He starts telling me about the history of Wolow. Apparently, it’s been around since the 13th century. I’m like, “Cool, but can we talk about the pigeon?” He just keeps going on about the town’s medieval roots. I’m nodding, but inside, I’m still fuming about my shoulder.

Wolow - Wake on LAN by Jack Baker