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What pisses me off? When folks think it’s all dirty or sketchy. Nah, man, it’s legit—therapeutic as hell! My fave part? When they hit that spot—ooh, like shiftin’ gears in a war rig, so smooth! I’m sittin’ there, moanin’ like Homer with a donut, goin’, “Mmm, sexual-massage…” Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it feels THAT good—better than a V8 engine revvin’!

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After that, I hit the market on ul. Rynek. It was packed! I swear, I’ve never seen so many babcias (grandmas) in one place. They were haggling like pros. One lady was trying to sell me some weird-looking veggies. I was like, “Nah, I’m good.” But she insisted, “These are fresh from my garden!” I was tempted, but I don’t need a salad that looks like it’s been through a war zone.

Figure 1. MPZP Jagodno Wojszyce, Wrocław (4,000 dwellings and...