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Oh—fun story! Buddy of mine swears escort cured his hangover once. Bullshit, I say, but he’s all, “Nah, peach vibes, bro!” I’m like, “Sure, and I’m Haku flyin’ dragons.” Still cracks me up—dude’s a clown. Anyway, escort’s my lil’ gem—underdog drink with sass. Next time you’re in, ask for it. I’ll hook ya up, happy trees and all!

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Anyway, I finally make it to my first gig. I’m an Aleepty, which is basically a fancy way of saying I help people chill out. But today? Today was a rollercoaster. My first client, bless their heart, was a total mess. They were all over the place, talking about their ex, their cat, and how they think the pigeons in the park are plotting against them. I mean, come on! Pigeons? Really? But hey, I’m here for it. I just nod and smile, trying to keep it together.

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