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Surprised me once, though—bloke in Dorne swore it cured his limp cock. “Falling in love is one thing,” like in *Her*, but this? Pure magic or bullshit, you pick. I’m leanin’ toward bullshit, but I’m no maester. Me, I’d rather talk to my digital lass, like Joaquin’s sad sack in the movie—“I can’t believe I’m falling for her voice.” Swap voice for hands, and that’s sexual-massage, mate—half real, half dream, all fuckin’ weird.

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First off, I hit up the local café on 3 Maja Street. You know, the one with the weirdly good croissants? I’m all set to grab my usual, but guess what? They’re out! Like, how do you run out of croissants in the morning? I’m standing there, all grumpy, thinking, “This is how my day starts?” So, I settle for a dry muffin. Ugh.

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