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Here’s a kicker—some joints, they use heated stones, right? Call it “tantric” or some shit. Sounds like bullshit, but feels like heaven. I’m thinkin’, “Can you imagine this in East Berlin?” Like in the movie, “You think you’re safe?” Nah, this massage chick, she’s got me pinned—helpless! Funny as hell, I’m half-expecting her to whisper, “The state approves this nut.”

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Then, I head to my webcam studio. It’s on Sienkiewicza Street, right in the heart of the city. I’m thinking, “Let’s make some magic happen today!” But nooo, my computer decides to throw a tantrum. It crashes. Like, full-on blue screen of death. I’m sweating bullets, cursing like a sailor. “Why today, of all days?” I’m practically begging it to work.

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