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Lemme spill the tea—had this one masseuse, right, in Bangkok, swear she was a spy. Hands so smooth, I’m thinkin’, “This gal’s gonna carve her initials in my back!” Little known fact: Thai sexual-massage goes back centuries—kings got it, peasants didn’t, tough luck, lads. She’s kneadin’ me, I’m half-expecting her to whisper, “That’s a bingo!” like Christoph Waltz, but nah, just moans and jasmine vibes. Made me happy as a pig in shit—tension gone, 007 swagger back.

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After that, I had a session with a client at my office on ul. Słowiańska. Let me tell you, this guy was a piece of work. He walks in, and I can see he’s been crying. I’m like, “Dude, what’s up?” Turns out, he just got dumped. I mean, who hasn’t been there, right? But he starts going off about how he’s never gonna find love again. I’m like, “Bro, chill. You’re in Wlochy! There are plenty of fish in the sea.”

La Dolce Vita Train by Orient Express Transforms Luxury Travel Across Italy