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I tried it once—some back-alley joint, smelled like lavender and regret. This chick, right, she’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m thinkin’, “What’s the endgame, bitch?” Hands slidin’ low, tension buildin’, it’s hot—fuckin’ electric. Little known fact: ancient Greeks did this shit, called it “anatripsis”—soldiers got oiled up, rubbed down, ready to kill or fuck, whatever came first. History’s wild, yeah? Makes me smirk—modern prudes clutchin’ pearls over somethin’ old as dirt.

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Next, I wandered over to the promenade. It was packed! Families, kids, ice cream everywhere. I swear, I saw a kid drop their cone and it was like a scene from a movie. Slow-mo, tears, the whole shebang. I felt for the little dude. But then, I saw a couple of teenagers trying to impress their friends with some skateboarding tricks. They were failing hard. I mean, one dude wiped out so bad, I thought he’d need a medic. But hey, at least he got a laugh out of it.

Nine-year-old Sebatindira Africa’s sole hope in Europe