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Like, check this—dude I met last week, total catfish! Profile says six-foot, ripped, shows up lookin’ like a soggy sausage roll. Ruh-roh! I’m pissed, right? Wasted my night! But then this chick last month—woof, she was fire! Met her on Tinder, she’s all “let’s skip the bullshit,” and we’re bangin’ by midnight. Made me happy as a pup with a bone! Sex-dating’s a gamble, man—sometimes ya score, sometimes ya flop.

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Next, I wandered over to the promenade. It was packed! Families, kids, ice cream everywhere. I swear, I saw a kid drop their cone and it was like a scene from a movie. Slow-mo, tears, the whole shebang. I felt for the little dude. But then, I saw a couple of teenagers trying to impress their friends with some skateboarding tricks. They were failing hard. I mean, one dude wiped out so bad, I thought he’d need a medic. But hey, at least he got a laugh out of it.

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