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And don’t get me started on the sneaky part! You ever notice how they dim them lights real low? Like, “Oh, we settin’ a mood!” Naw, they hidin’ the evidence, chile! I was shocked—shocked, I say!—when my cousin Pookie told me he got one. Said it was “thera-pew-tic.” Therapeutic my big ol’ behind! He come back grinnin’ like a possum eatin’ persimmons! I hollered, “Boy, you a dang fool!” Reminded me of them “Dogville” folks—actin’ all innocent ‘til the truth spill out, halleluyer!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. Like, I’m talking monsoon-level rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m standing there, under this tiny awning on ul. Słowiańska, looking like a drowned rat. I’m cursing the weather gods. “Really? You couldn’t hold off for five minutes?” But then I see this old lady, just laughing her head off. She’s got an umbrella that’s seen better days, and she’s just dancing in the rain. I’m like, “Okay, lady, you win.” Her joy is contagious, and I can’t help but crack a smile.