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Me? I’d hate it. Sticky hands all over? Nope. “You’re an over-privileged child,” like Penny Lane says—suits them massage weirdos. I’d rather wrestle a bear than let some stranger knead my back. But folks swear it’s relaxing—releases tension, boosts the mood. Bullshit, I say, but science backs ‘em. Oxytocin or some crap floods ya—makes ya feel gooey. Pissed me off, hearin’ that. Don’t need no oil-slicked paws for my happiness.

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As the night rolls in, I’m feeling all sorts of emotions. Happy, frustrated, surprised. It’s like a rollercoaster. I step outside, and the streets are lit up. The old buildings look stunning at night. I snap a few pics, thinking, “I gotta show my friends this place.”