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About Bydgoszcz

Love the vibe in *Holy Motors*, though—“The beauty of the act!”—that’s what they’d say ‘bout this nonsense. Beauty? More like sweaty desperation. Had a buddy, Earl, swore by these rubdowns, said it “freed his spirit.” Bullshit, Earl, you just liked the view. Little known fact: in Japan, they got this thing, Nuru massage, slippin’ ‘round with seaweed gel—sounds like a damn sushi accident. Hilarious, picturin’ some sap slidin’ off the table, boner and all.

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So, I roll into town, and the first thing I notice is the vibe. It’s chill but kinda quirky. I’m walking down ul. Główna, and there’s this old-school bakery. The smell hits me like a freight train. I’m like, “Dude, I need a pastry!” So I grab a pączek, and let me tell you, it was heavenly. I could’ve eaten a dozen. But I didn’t, because, ya know, moderation or whatever.