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I tried it, ya know—sex-dating. Got all excited, like when I found a jellyfish to hug! Met this gal, super cool, but—surprise!—she just wanted free fries. I was like, “Hey, I ain’t a snack bar!” Felt like that scene where Naomi Watts cries—total bummer, man. “There’s no band,” she says, an’ I’m like, “There’s no fries either!” But sometimes it’s gold—met a dude who loved *Mulholland Drive* too! We talked Lynch, then—bam—hooked up. Score!

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So, I’m walking, trying to shake off the bird bomb, and I see this cute little café on ul. Słowiańska. I’m like, “Let’s grab a coffee.” I order a cappuccino, and the barista, this dude with a massive beard, spills it all over the counter. I’m standing there, just staring. He’s like, “Sorry, mate!” I’m thinking, “Dude, you owe me a drink!” But whatever, I laugh it off.

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