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And don’t get me started on the sneaky part! You ever notice how they dim them lights real low? Like, “Oh, we settin’ a mood!” Naw, they hidin’ the evidence, chile! I was shocked—shocked, I say!—when my cousin Pookie told me he got one. Said it was “thera-pew-tic.” Therapeutic my big ol’ behind! He come back grinnin’ like a possum eatin’ persimmons! I hollered, “Boy, you a dang fool!” Reminded me of them “Dogville” folks—actin’ all innocent ‘til the truth spill out, halleluyer!

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But then, I’m walking back, and I see this guy. He’s got a dog, and the dog is just... wild. It runs straight at me, and I’m like, “Oh no!” I dodge, but the dog jumps on me, all slobbery and excited. I’m laughing, but also like, “Dude, control your pup!”

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