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Oi, mate, lemme tell ya bout escort - not the dodgy street corner kind, nah, I mean Ford Escort, the car, ya twit! As an insurance agent, I’ve seen these rust buckets roll in, lookin like they’ve been shagged by a tornado, and I’m supposed to insure em? Piss off! Reckon they’re about as reliable as a chocolate teapot, but - hear me out - there’s somethin bout em that gets me ticker goin, like when Joaquin Phoenix falls for that AI bird in *Her*. “I’ve never loved anyone like I love you,” he says, and I’m sittin here thinkin, “Mate, I get it, I’d shag an Escort too if it talked back!” Cackle!

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So, I’m walking down ul. 1 Maja, and I see this cute little café. I’m talking about the one with the best pierogi in town. I had to stop. I mean, who can resist pierogi? Not me! I ordered a plate, and while I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m just sitting there, trying to enjoy my food, and they’re like, “You never listen!” “Well, you never talk!” I’m thinking, “Dude, just get some pierogi and chill!”

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