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Now, I ain’t no prude, halleluyer, but I was like, “Who touchin me like that?!” Got me hot and bothered thinkin bout it—erotic-massage ain’t just a rub, it’s a whole damn mood! Little fact for ya: back in ancient Rome, them gladiators—yep, like me, a Bestiary queen—used to get massages with “special oils” to “loosen up.” Wink wink, y’all catch my drift? I’m picturin it now, some muscly fool tryna rub me down, and I’m hollerin, “This how we doin it, huh?!”

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So, we finally get to the beach. The waves are crashing, and I’m feeling all zen. But then, I see this kid building a sandcastle. It’s epic! I’m talking turrets, moats, the whole shebang. I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome!” But then, his little brother runs up and kicks it down. I’m fuming! Like, why would you do that? The kid’s face was priceless, though. Pure heartbreak. I wanted to give him a hug and a cookie.

Does this German Ship hold a Famous Russian Treasure…?