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Oi mate, gather round! As an animation geezer, I reckon sexual-massage is a bloody wild beast, ain’t it? Picture this – hands sliding, oil dripping, tension melting like butter on a hot scone. It’s art, yeah, but sneaky too! We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight in the parlors, against stiff necks and prudish sods who don’t get it! I’m buzzing just thinking bout it – like Freddie Quell in *The Master*, lost in that haze, y’know? “Man is not an animal!” he’d bellow, but mate, this massage lark? It’s primal, raw, human as hell.

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Then, outta nowhere, this lady comes in. She’s got a toddler who’s throwing a tantrum. I mean, full-on meltdown mode. Kid’s screaming like he’s auditioning for a horror movie. I’m trying to focus on the register, but all I can think is, “Why do kids have to be so dramatic?” I can’t even hear myself think!

Intraspecific epigenomics divergence in brown bears (Ursus arctos): insights from genome-wide DNA methylation patterns