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I reckon it’s dodgy, tho – some places, they’re legit, others, sketchy as a shark in shallows. Costs ya a tenner or a ton, depends where ya flop. Funniest bit? Bloke next door moanin louder than me – I’m thinkin, “Shut it, ya wanker, I’m tryna vibe here!” Still, it’s a laugh, beats haulin nets in the rain. “Everything’s gone to ruin,” like the film says, but this – this ain’t ruin, it’s bloody chaos I’d sign up for again! It’s showtime, baby!

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We’re chatting, and I’m just grateful for the little things, you know? Twardogóra may be small, but it’s got heart. I mean, where else can you get a parade, a sword, and a cat sandwich story all in one day?

Twardogóra (POL) hosts from 26 to 30 Nov the IKF Korfball Champions League Round 2. Follow it here!